i am so incredibly blessed to have the friends i do.
it’s been 8 years. we’ve been bestfriends since the age of 12. if the dramas of middle school, high school, college, and the distance between texas and new york couldn’t break us, i honestly don’t think anything could.
we all hit bad spots. recently i’ve been there. losing certain things, dealing with certain people, realizing how bad some things are. and then some bad things happened to my best of friends. and i wanted to be strong for them, so i had to deal with my own shit on my own time; i didn’t wanna burden them with my problems. i know that they are always there for me, but it’s seriously my turn to be there for them.
and then there was that span of time where i called one of them everyday.. just crying. if i told one of them what happened that day, by the next day the other one knew too. they both knew what was going on with me and they knew how bad i had gotten. they knew how bad i had gotten.. and they knew i couldn’t come home. my parents have had too much to pay for lately and a ticket home just wasn’t an option. so they made it their option. they offered to make sure i came home, and i can officially say that my flight home is booked. i was seriously so happy that i could cry. i didn’t feel right at first accepting something that expensive from them. they’ve been there a lot, but this seemed too much. but they weren’t the only ones convincing me they would do it. i realized that after how bad i had gotten, there were gonna be 2 people who would have my back like no one else in this world could. and they did. they know me, and they know that all i needed was to come home. so they made it happen.
i love you two. so much more than you’ll ever know. not all of our friends made it this far, but the 3 of us did. i know that i’ve needed you two lately, but i also know that bad things have been happening to you too. i wanna be there for you guys, and i plan on being there.. especially starting june 6th.
i couldn’t be me without the two of you. thank you so much for everything.
and i am nowhere near perfect. i never asked to be and i never wanted to be. i just want to be me. but being me also means going through a lot of bullshit. whether that’s bullshit because of school, friends, or boys, there’s always some kind of bullshit. but that’s everyone’s lives.
when faced with a challenge i didn’t always take the easy route, nor did i always take the right route. i went with who i am and what i wanted. i always told myself to never have regrets, because each personal encounter makes you the person you are. but honestly? in a sense i do have regrets. i did know better, but i didn’t act on it. now things are the way they are. and that’s not necessarily a good thing.
i’ve been in a bad spot that past couple days. it really is true that when one thing falls apart, it seems that everything else goes with it. and for me, i just wanna go home.. i wanna go back to houston. i know that any amount of time spent there, spent with my loved ones, can fix any damage. they need me just as much as i need them.
but until that time i have my own responsibilities. this weekend was a huge eye-opener as to what my life could be like with these new changes. going to the puso barbecue, picking up the d3 shirts, hanging out with puso some more, throwing a party that was more like a d3 mixer at my crib, being in bed and talking with someone as the sun rises, waking up with familiar faces and having breakfast with all of them, recovering from the night before, going to brooklyn to hang out with some more people, being in bed and talking til 6am all over again, waking up next to someone, making the drive to long island to chill with some more people. and now i’m finally home. after all the fun i had this weekend, i ended up making another mistake. but you know what? it’s okay. i’m learning. and i’m gonna keep learning. i’m just gonna remember to keep the right people beside me.
it’s been a while since a personal post.. and it felt like the right time:)
but for now, whatever happens happens. and i’ll go along with it and try to be the best person i can be.
The funny thing is, the person who can make you smile the most, makes you the happiest and can make your day good is also the person who can make you cry, make you feel miserable and ruin your day too.
One day you’re gonna want her. That girl that knew she wasn’t perfect, but tried to be for you. That girl who wanted nothing more than to be there for you, and loving you was the only way she could. The girl who sees your flaws, but values them as much as your strengths. That girl who still can’t bring herself to hate you, even though sometimes you probably deserve it. The girl that should have you, but doesn’t.